Why Am I Unhappy?
You might be Disconnected from your Values and Yourself!
Our values are a representation of who we are. When we become misaligned with our values we are actually disconnected from our true selves. The self talk or subconscious message we are sending to ourselves is that we are not important. The outcome of this can be feelings of anger, dissatisfaction, deep sadness and even depression. We feel like there is something missing from our lives.
So how do we get misaligned for our core values? Here is a list of 7 possible ways this could happen.
- Negative associations. Despite being very important to us on a deep level, a core value that has negative associations means we go out of our way to avoid expressing it. As small children we express wonder at the magic of the world around us, often as teenagers we develop an idealistic view of the world around us, only to have parents or other authority figures in our lives make fun of us or get angry and tell us we are being stupid, or wasting time. To avoid this we learn to stop expressing our wonder and idealism creating a negative association that later in life can leave us feeling miserable.
- We’re afraid and unsure. Often when falling ill or having a major health set back such as breaking a bone or even worse some sort of heart problem or cancer, we seek out rest and treatment until we recover from the issue. Only to return to the same work and lifestyle habits that may have caused the health problems in the first place. This can then lead to a reoccurrence of the health problem or even the development of new more severe problems. We become trapped in this cycle and don’t know how to break free.
- Outdated values. We often go about our lives according to values we taught as children or teens that we no longer believe in. We might have been taught that hard work and raising a family were very important. We can forget or not allow time for fun and interaction with our family often pushing ourselves to work harder and longer to give them more, creating a dissatisfaction with life and conflict with an out dated value and a new desire, participating in activities with our new family.
- Blinded by habit. We can consciously reject a value that we might have been taught but still end up expressing it on a subconscious level. We may have grown up in a household where a parent felt there was a need to be better than those around us, as a result they might have constantly argued or even divorced, as a result we made a conscious decision to be different. You we constantly upset those around us such as our partners, co-workers even clients by having the need to be right or have the last word. We may see that they are upset but unable to understand why.
- Value obsessed. We may have been taught to over focus on one value that it prevents us from expressing other equally important values. Excellence is a value that we can over focus on that might mean we don’t attend our children’s sporting event on the weekend. Instead we go to work to finish off a project to an exceptionally high standard. In this case excellence has become perfectionism, and pushed values that we hold important like love, family and happiness aside leaving us feeling miserable but not knowing how to let go of the overriding value.
These are just a few examples of how becoming disconnected from our core values and in turn ourselves can leave us unfulfilled and our lives feeling meaningless. Knowing and understanding our core values is one of the most important things we can do to find happiness in our home and work life. If you want to delve deeper into your core values and self discovery, learn how to boost your self-confidence and self-awareness, remove the self sabotaging actions and create a more positive outlook on work and home life I highly recommend my “road to self-discovery” self paced, online workshop.